Preface
The aim of this book is to teach us about the perfect love of our beloved Jesus Christ which God has laid him down to die for us so that we can have life and have it in full.
According to John 3; 16 which says For God so loved the world that he has gave his only begotten son that who so ever believeth in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
This book will open our eyes to the greater love that our father in heaven lay down for us by denying his son (Jesus Christ) by sacrificing his life for us.
Being able to recognize the Agape love he showed to us. What a great love.
However, you will able to differentiate between Love and Lust that you’ve for your friends whether True Love or Lust.
The first and greatest commandment is to Love God first, He took Jesus loving us first, before we could ever love him back. “Your value and your identity is secured for all eternity with Jesus, who loves you so passionately that He gave His own life.”
This book will make you to understanding God’s love fills you with the stability and confidence to face any rejection or loss, and to know, no matter how much it hurts, your identity and value can never be shaken.
God blesses you as you read, May your love for God gets stronger and stronger.
Acknowledgement
To the Almighty God be the glory for making it possible for me to write and compile this book, The Struggle for Love which talks about The Power of Love of our Lord Jesus Christ.
I also express my profound gratitude to my parents, Mr. & Mrs. Oderinde for their encouragement, prayers, and support towards the success of this book. May the Almighty God bless you richly in Jesus Name. Amen!
Also, my warm appreciation goes to my Senior Director of Alpha Global Leadership Academy which is Ambassador David Akinwale for this opportunity given to me to discover my true identity for the mind transforming teaching and lessons so far. God bless you sir.
I will never fail to appreciate my mentor, father and my counselor Mr. Olomolatan Pelumi for his support and advice he gave to me and the corrections he leads me to. Thanks so much Sir. God will continue to increase you in knowledge and may you never fail God.
My appreciation goes to Fadele Adewole for his love, support and how he advised me to participate into this great academy. Thanks so much sir. You are forever loved. I also appreciate the effort of my dear sister Babatunde Adesewa. Thanks so much for your love you showed to me. Thanks for believing in me that I can do it through Christ which strengthens me. I Love you ma.
Lastly, I appreciate my brother from another mother Mr Adetayo Babatunde for his love, advice, support and your financial assistance. Thanks for believing in me and thanks for your prayer. I Love you sir, God will continue to lift you high sir.
And to those I couldn’t mentioned, Thanks so much for your prayers and support, God bless you all.
Dedication
I dedicate this book to Almighty God, the creator of all mankind who was my helper throughout this book. May his name be forever Praised.
Table of Contents
Preface 1
Acknowledgment 2
Dedication 3
Table of contents 4
CHAPTER ONE
What is Love? 5-7
No exception to love 8-14
CHAPTER TWO
Six (6) steps in finding true love 15-30
CHAPTER THREE
Love and Lust 31-35
CHAPTER FOUR
Why do I deserve his Love or who deserves to be loved 36-37
CHAPTER FIVE
How can we really love God as he deserves to be loved 38-41
CHAPTER ONE
WHAT IS LOVE?
“He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.” 1 John 4:8.
“Love is long-suffering and kind. It does not envy; does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth: bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.
Love is the heart-felt affection of the Christian in response to the love God has shown toward us, especially in the gift of salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ.
Love is an affection which prompts the Christian to action. Love is first and foremost directed toward God and then toward others in an order of priority: God, family (especially our mate), fellow-believers, our neighbor, and even our enemy.
Love subordinates the interests of the lover to the one who is loved. Love inspires our deliberate, diligent, self-sacrificial service to others, which is intended for their good, at our expense.
So, what is love then? When I can do all these things in spite of my feelings, regardless of someone’s actions, that is love. I do not feel loving when I am tempted to anger, to impatience, to seek my own, to believe the worst, to give up on someone. But when I deny these feelings and rejoice, am long-suffering, humble myself, bear with someone, endure all things – that is true love. Love lays down its life, those natural reactions and demands that are a part of human nature, and expects nothing in return.
“Greater love has no man than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” John 15:13
“In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son.” 1 John 4:10. It’s great if someone loves me, and I love them in return. That’s easy. But that is not proof of love. God loved us before we loved Him, and we certainly did nothing to deserve that love. What if someone has treated me badly? Where is my love then? Love gives, and not only to those who are good to us. It loves its enemies; it loves first. And it doesn’t disappear if that love is never reciprocated. It endures all things.
“But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:44-45.
“If someone says, ‘I love God,’ and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen? And this commandment we have from Him: that he who loves God must love his brother.” 1 John 4:20-21.
Our love for God is not greater than our love for our fellow men. Godly love does not change according to circumstances. It is rooted and grounded.
The tendency is to want the others to change. We feel that it is difficult to love someone as they are and would prefer that they were different. But this is not what the Bible says about love! This is proof that we are more concerned with our own happiness and comfort than with love for the others; we are seeking our own.
The truth is that instead of hoping for the others to change, we need to find the sin in ourselves and cleanse that out. The self-interest, know-it-all attitude, conceit, stubbornness, etc., the sin that I find when I deal with others in the course of life. If we cleanse ourselves from these things then we can bear, believe, hope, and endure all things from the others. We love them as they are, and we can pray for them out of a sincere Godly love and concern for them.
NO EXCEPTIONS TO LOVE
And there are no exceptions. No “Well, this person doesn’t deserve it.” Jesus laid down His life for us, the ultimate sign of how much He loved us. And no one has ever been less deserving than we are of that. To love does not mean to agree with someone’s sin, to say that everything that they do is OK. Rather, it is to bear with them, to pray for them, to have faith for them, to want the very best for them. It is action in spite of how I feel. Then I can come from having a natural dislike for someone to having a genuine love for them. In order to help someone and turn them from things that could be harmful to them, I can exhort, advice, or correct them, but only when I do it out of a genuine concern and care for them.
Everyone I meet should sense a drawing to Christ through me. Love is what draws people. Goodness, kindness, meekness of heart, patience, understanding. How can someone feel drawn if their experience of me is impatience, haughtiness, rudeness, hate, etc.?
So if I feel that I am lacking in true Godly love, then I can pray to God that He can show me how I gain more of it. I need to be willing to give up my own self-will and think of the others before myself.
“And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”
1 Corinthians 13:13.
Love is a subject of vital importance, not only because of our fuzzy ideas about what love really is, but because love is a matter of highest priority: “But now abide faith, hope, and love, these three; but the greatest of these is love” (1 Corinthians 13:13).
For a number of reasons, Paul regards love as greater even than faith and hope. To show the magnitude of the importance of our study, allow me to summarize these.
(1) Love is greater than faith and hope because love is eternal, while faith and hope are temporal (1 Corinthians 13:8-13). Because that which God has promised cannot presently be seen, faith and hope are necessary in this life. But when the perfect comes, when our Lord returns and we are living eternally in His presence, we will no longer need faith, for we shall see Him and experience all that He has promised. Our hope will be fulfilled. Our love for Him, however, will last for all eternity, inspiring our worship and service in His presence.
(2) Love is the appropriate response to God’s love and grace, in Christ (Luke 7:42, 47).
(3) Love is the great commandment and one of the distinguishing marks of a true disciple of our Lord (Matthew 22:37; Mark 12:33; Luke 6:27-36; John 13:35; 15:12-13).
(4) Love facilitates and contributes to Christian unity (John 17:20-26; Colossians 2:2; 3:14).
(5) Love is the lubricant which greatly reduces the friction which can build up between us and others (Ephesians 4:2; 1 Peter 4:8).
(6) Love is a key motive for our obedience to our Lord’s commands (John 14:15, 21, 23, 24; 15:10; 21:15-17; 1 John 5:2; 2 John 1:16).
(7) Love is a stabilizing factor in our lives (Ephesians 3:17).
(8) Love is the goal of Paul’s teaching as it should be the goal of all Christian teaching (1 Timothy 1:5).
(9) Love is the one command which encompasses all aspects of our Christian life (Romans 13:8-10; 1 Corinthians 16:14).
(10) Love makes our service more profitable to others and to us (1 Corinthians 8:1; 13:1-13).
The Context and Structure of Our Text
In the internal structure of our text, I see the general, introductory statement and as supporting descriptions of how love is manifested in various ways. It describes Christian love as subordinating self-interest to give preference to the one loved. Verse 11 describes the energy and diligence which loves stimulates, to carry through with those tasks which build up the other. It also points to the future hope which enables Christian love to endure present hardship and adversity. It highlights two particular needs which love should be eager to meet: (1) the need for physical and financial help and (2) the need for hospitality.
Joseph Fletcher, an advocate of situational ethics, once told the story of a farmer whose daughter was seduced by a traveling salesman. Incensed by the violation of his sister, the girl’s brother was ready to exterminate the salesman with his shotgun. Stepping in, the father admonished his son with the words: “Son, you are so full of what’s right that you’ve lost sight of what’s good.”
Situational ethics is a term which is hardly used any more. This is not because the theory is pass, but because it is so widespread, no one thinks of it as something distinct. Our whole society is situational in its ethics. Situational ethics does not define morality and immorality in terms of biblical revelation, but in terms of “love.” Moral judgment is determined by the existence or absence of love. A sexual union outside of marriage, but which is thought to be the expression of “love,” is considered moral. The question then becomes, “Is it loving?” rather than, “Is it right?” If it is “loving,” it is presumed to be right.
Not so with Paul’s understanding of love. Biblical love cannot be separated from biblical righteousness. Christian love is drawn toward “right” and repulsed by “wrong.” It is attracted to and adheres to that which is “good,” abhorring and withdrawing from “evil.” Christian love is most certainly not “blind.” Biblical love distinguishes between good and evil, and then acts accordingly, cleaving to the good and avoiding the evil.
Christian love is something like a battery. There must be two poles for current to flow. There is a positive terminal and a negative terminal. In biblical thinking, “love” cannot be separated from “hate.” Love is a choice, a decision. It is a decision to choose one thing and to reject another. Jacob could not “love” both Leah and Rachel; he had to “love” one and to “hate” the other.53 So too we cannot serve two masters, for we will inevitably “love” one and “hate” the other (see Matthew 6:24).
Our love as Christians is to be both a response to God’s love and a reflection of His love. Our Lord’s love was a far cry from the hypocritical “love” of the scribes and Pharisees of His day. They spoke of good, but in practice they did what was evil. While our Lord’s love prompted Him to receive sinners, and to suffer and to die for their salvation, it also manifested itself in Jesus’ strong reaction to evil (see Matthew 20:12-17; 23:1-39). Jesus wanted no association with evil, and thus He even forbade the evil spirits to proclaim that He was the promised Messiah (see Mark 3:11-12).
There are Christians today who urge us to emphasize God’s love. This we should do. But if we are to proclaim God’s love, we must distinguish between good and evil. The love of God is that love which clings to the good and abhors the evil. The love of God cannot and does not overlook sin nor the judgment which it deserves and requires. If we would speak more of God’s love, we must speak more of good and of evil. Rebuke and discipline are not a violation of love but a manifestation of it. Love acts in accordance with righteousness.
Loving one another means serving others ahead of oneself. But there are times when serving others means choosing not to serve, for the sake of stewardship and the sake of the gospel. Recognizing that I am but one member in the body of Christ and that God has gifted each member means I need not and cannot meet every need that I see. For me to meet a particular need may actually prevent someone else from doing so. Even when one member may do a better job, the gifts of others must be discovered and developed. This can only take place through experience in ministry.
The love of God is not the kind of love men naturally desire. That is because God’s love is a righteous and holy love. God’s love, by definition, adheres to what is good and abhors what is evil. Many people want the kind of God who loves men in their sin, who accepts them “just as they are.” God cannot and does not do so, because His love is a righteous love. But in His love, God has provided a way for us to become holy and righteous, so that His love can be shed abroad in our hearts and lives. The provision is the person of Jesus Christ. He died in the sinner’s place, bearing the penalty for our sins. He offers to us that righteousness which we can never achieve in and of ourselves. If you would receive the love of God, receive His righteousness, in Christ.
The love which God calls for is a holy love, a love which hates sin and loves righteousness. The love God calls for is a sacrificial love. It requires us to subordinate our desires and interests, so that we may serve others selflessly. The love which God calls for is one which looks for long-term rewards rather than short-term pleasure. It endures hardship, suffering, and pain, for the benefit of others and for the service of the King and His pleasure. It is a love which takes risks and which shines forth when others are shrinking back. It is a love which responds to and reflects the love of God for us.
Let your way of life be free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, “I WILL NEVER DESERT YOU, NOR WILL I EVER FORSAKE YOU,” so that we confidently say, “The LORD IS MY HELPER, I WILL NOT BE AFRAID. WHAT SHALL MAN DO TO ME?” (Hebrews 13:5-6).
CHAPTER TWO
SIX STEPS TO FINDING TRUE LOVE
LOVE REQUIRES YOU TO REVEAL YOUR TRUE SELF TO ANOTHER:
The famous author, C. S. Lewis, puts it best, “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one.” Lewis is right. What makes love so hard, and sometimes painful, is the vulnerability that always seems to accompany it.
“True love goes beyond the passion of romance and even finding a partner for the sake of being married.”
We use the word love to describe a lot of things. We love food. We love music. We love a good joke and we love having a good time. Using love to describe such simple things makes the word seem a little safer. It is safe because we are not exposed. A great cup of coffee cannot reject us. A song from our favorite band does not leave us feeling useless. But when we choose to share our life with another person, we inevitably make a choice to become vulnerable. Unfortunately, vulnerability leaves our defenses down and often we get hurt.
We all know the feeling: rejection, humiliation, desperation. Opening our heart to another person, only to be rejected, is one of the most painful experiences in life. It hurts the most because in love we are most vulnerable. It’s worse than physical pain because it shakes us at the core of our identity, our hopes, and our dreams. Love rushes us to the mountain-top, and when lost, sends us careening back to the valley below. We cannot help but feel empty. We cannot help but feel worthless. We cannot help but feel hopeless.
2. FINDING TRUE LOVE CAN BE DIFFICULT:
The Bible has a remarkable story about a woman named Leah who discovered that finding true love was difficult. Leah was the daughter of a wealthy and manipulative man named Laban. Leah also had a sister named Rachel, one of the most beautiful women in the whole region. Leah, was described as, “weak in the eyes.” We do not know exactly what that phrase means, but it is not hard to guess. Even without the side-by-side comparison to her beautiful sister, Leah was not drawing much attention.
One day, Rachel was herding the sheep when a young man named Jacob came to the well. His journey’s purpose was to find a wife, so it did not take him long to notice beautiful Rachel approaching. He rolled away the stone over the well, and watered the sheep for her. Learning he was her father’s nephew, she ran home to tell Laban the news. Already head-over-heels in love, or call it love-at-first-sight if you wish, Jacob stayed on with Laban. When asked what his wages should be, he immediately asked to marry Rachel. Laban made Jacob an offer. “Work for me, seven years without pay, then I will give you my daughter.”
“What makes love so hard, and sometimes painful, is the vulnerability that always seems to accompany it.”
It is starting to sound like a romantic story for the ages! Jacob was so madly in love that he did not hesitate. Seven years he worked, everyday focused on his prize. One day he would finally be able to marry the woman of his dreams, Rachel. The Bible records the event with all of the poetry we would expect from a great love story. “Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed to him but a few days because of the love he had for her.”
After seven years of labor, the wedding day finally arrived. The party must have been massive. When night came, Jacob and his new bride, probably wearing her wedding veil, went into their tent.
The next morning Jacob awoke, the Bible says, “and behold it was Leah!” Jacob had been tricked. Laban had switched his daughters on the wedding night and tricked Jacob into marrying his oldest, Leah. Why? Laban wanted another seven years of free labor before he would allow Jacob to actually marry Rachel. Still madly in love with Rachel, Jacob agrees and works another seven years to marry this younger daughter.
We like the image of Jacob! He was willing to submit himself to over a decade of manual labor as an act of love for Rachel whom he considered to be his soulmate. Like a great Shakespearian tragedy, we want desperately to find that kind of love, too. We want to know that someone would make such a sacrifice for us. This expression of love is the deepest craving of our heart. But allowing ourselves to be quickly carried off in the ecstasy of the moment misses the real heart of the story for Leah.
Leah had never been able to draw much attention. She had always been the hopeless romantic. But now things were much worse. Leah was married to a man who never for a moment loved her, and manipulated by a father as payment for help around the farm. Leah was not loved by her husband, nor even her father. She was used and discarded. When she was most vulnerable she was rejected.
“Each of us wants to find a way to open up our hearts and lives and know that in that moment of honesty we will be accepted and not rejected.”
What happened next is subtle, but important for us to understand our own struggle with love and rejection. In Leah’s first century world, women cared deeply about building a family, especially having sons, to which they could pass on their family name. A father’s proudest moment was the birth of his first son. Soon after being married, Jacob wanted a son. Leah saw an opportunity! If she could be the first to give Jacob a son, surely then he would love and appreciate her. Leah must have been excited to find out she was pregnant and even more excited when she gave birth to the family’s first son, Reuben.
Leah believed in her heart that God had blessed her with this son so that now her husband would finally love her. But nothing changed. Leah gave birth to a second son, she named him Simeon.
Again she believed God had seen her rejection. Now, surely her husband would love her. But nothing changed. Leah had a third son, who she named Levi. She honestly hoped that now her husband would care for her and love her. But again, nothing changed.
Leah’s story teaches us that finding true love is difficult. True love goes beyond the passion of romance and even finding a partner for the sake of being married. While romance and having our needs met for provision and security are important, there is more that we must discover.
3. YOUR NEED FOR TRUE LOVE REVEALS YOUR NEED TO BE LOVED UNCONDITIONALLY:
Leah’s life was controlled by the hope that she could somehow make herself lovable. She was desperate to find a way to earn her husband’s attention. Her broken heart and desperation to be loved teaches us a deeply personal truth about our own search for true love. We inevitably all feel the crushing weight of trying to earn it.
Marketers sell us the idea that if we were just a little bit more attractive, a little thinner, and a little better dressed, then someone would finally take notice and we would feel loved. But we do not. Culture pressures us to set aside our prudish reluctance and instead give-away our bodies; it promises us intimacy leads to love. But it does not.
“Honestly, true love has never really been about romance or passion at all. It is about truth and value. It is about vulnerability and acceptance.”
The harder we try, the more desperate we become to find the magic potion. We believe that with the poison-tipped arrow of Cupid in our hand, we need only hit our target and watch as love and intimacy explodes into a vibrant life of confidence, fulfillment, and passion. But, that is not real life. So, we end up settling for watching it play out in movies and dreaming about it in novels. Our own experience feels more like crawling our way through the dunes of the Sahara Desert, desperate to find an oasis with water. Just when we think we have finally found true love, we are crushed with the reality that it was just a mirage and we have nothing to show for it.
Leah helps us realize that most of what we call love and our search for it, is really a desperate expedition for evidence that we are valuable enough to be loved in the first place. We want to feel like our life is worth something to someone. We are desperate to be known, not just as a body, but as a soul. We want to be vulnerable and in that vulnerability to be accepted. We want to be loved unconditionally.
This is where we find the great struggle of looking for true love. As one author puts it, “To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear.” Each of us wants to find a way to open up our hearts and lives and know that in that moment of honesty we will be accepted and not rejected.
We all know the risks, so we tend toward pretending. Too nervous to share the truth, we morph into whatever seems most desirable. But that is empty. We know it and we just do not know what else to do. We feel like we have to keep the show going. After all, what is the alternative? If we open up with the whole truth, we face the risk of being ridiculed, rejected and thrown away.
Honestly, true love has never really been about romance or passion at all. It is about truth and value. It is about vulnerability and acceptance. It is about wholeness and finding peace. It is about discovering a foundation on which we can build our lives and on which we can place our hope and confidence. It is about feeling like we are worth something. It is about sharing vulnerability and in the midst of it, feeling loved unconditionally.
4. TRUE LOVE IS COMPLICATED BY OUR SELF-INTEREST:
Let me tell you a secret that you probably know already but are not willing to admit. Unconditional love, the kind that pours meaning and significance into your life, is hard to find in another human being because we are all too self-interested and too self-motivated. Our hearts are bent toward protecting and promoting ourselves. It is not hard to see! We live in a culture that constantly measures every relationship by what we get out of it. We stay married only as long as it is benefiting us. We commit to a relationship only until something better comes along. The success of our relationships is measured by our need for love being met, instead of seeking to meet the need for true love in others.
The Bible speaks clearly to this fact. It calls our bent toward self-interest sin, and it was neither the way humanity, nor the world was created originally. Adam and Eve were the first to experience love and it was much deeper than what we call love today. Adam and Eve’s relationship was perfectly woven together with one another, with God, and with the enjoyment of creation around them. There was no self-interest. Instead, their whole lives were shaped by caring for each other, caring for the world around them, and thanking God for the experience. Neither Adam nor Eve ever felt a moment of fear, rejection, or failure.
“You will never find or experience the true love you are looking for in this world alone.”
If you are familiar with the Bible’s story of the first sin, you will remember it involved a simple proposition. Adam and Eve were forbidden to eat from one tree in the Garden of Eden. As Eve passed by, a serpent whispered a temptation. “Eve, if you eat of this fruit you will be like God.” It is strange that the serpent did not tempt Eve with how delicious the fruit looked. The real temptation had nothing to do with appearance. Instead, the Serpent did something more subversive. He offered Eve a thought about herself. Eve asked herself a question she had never wondered before, “What’s in it for me?”
This moment of self-discovery came with massive consequences. Eve ate the fruit and passed it on to her husband who ate it as well. This act of disobeying God led Adam and Eve to the startling realization they had been naked this whole time. It is as if they had been so enjoying one another and the world around them so much, that they never thought to look down at themselves. For the first time they felt vulnerable and ashamed. They made clothes to cover and protect themselves.
God discussed their disobedience with them, because He knew that all of their relationships were falling apart as a result of their self-interest. Eve blamed the serpent for tempting her. Adam blamed Eve for giving him the fruit and then even went so far as to blame God for giving him Eve in the first place! Neither one wanted to take the blame but was concerned only for their self-interest. It is starting to look more like the world with which we are familiar!
The consequences for disobeying God were the loss of relationships. Adam and Eve would never be allowed back into the perfect garden world. They lost everything. We know their new world of self-interest and self-protection, because we carry with us the same sin-bent reality. We long for real love, because we were created to love and be loved unconditionally. This is probably the most important point in this entire article. You will never find or experience the true love you are looking for in this world alone. Each of us and the world around us is too soaked in sin. The great news is that there is one who is the very definition of Love and you can be in relationship with Him!
5. THERE IS ONLY ONE SOURCE OF TRUE LOVE:
Let us return to Leah’s story for a moment. Leah was caught up in the struggle to earn her husband’s love. Three sons later, she was still clinging to the hope that one day he would wake up and start to appreciate her. She kept waiting and waiting. Eventually, Leah gave birth to another son, her fourth. Leah named him Judah and announced; “Now I will praise God.” Judah’s name means something special. It means to praise, or be thankful to God. But, how could she praise God when her outward circumstances had not changed? Jacob did not rush home with a bouquet of roses and an apology card. Leah was no more loved now than she had ever been. But somehow, she was now worshiping and thanking God.
With the birth of her fourth son, Leah had a life altering realization. She realized that while her husband refused to love her, God was present in her life! God had noticed every pain, every sorrow, every moment of rejection she had ever experienced and he was pouring blessing into her life. God loved her unconditionally!
You need to realize something important, as well. You may feel completely neglected and empty, but God is paying attention to you. You would not be reading this if that was not true. Right now, the God of the whole universe is trying to show you, there is a greater love and acceptance being offered to you, than you ever thought existed. That love is God’s love. He loves you unconditionally.
Leah did not realize it at the time, but Leah, and her son Judah, were ancestors of a man named Jesus. This is the Jesus, whom Christians worship and who the entire Bible anticipated. It is a fitting end to the story, because no one would ever offer greater hope and love than Jesus. He would offer exactly what Leah was trying desperately to find.
The Bible tells that Jesus was not merely a man, but the son of God Himself, who came to earth.
“Jesus knows better than anyone who you are; the good and the bad. He knows, because He took your place. He has already paid the price for your sins, and He did it before you ever paid a moment of attention to Him.”
He did so because God was not content to leave us in hopeless despair and rejection, stumbling our way through life trying to manufacture the love that had been lost all the way back in the Garden of Eden. Even though our own selfish hearts had blinded us from God’s love, God was determined to lead us back to it.
Jesus knew all too well this pain of rejection. He was rejected at times by His best friends, His own family, and in the end, by the world around him. Jesus lived a perfect life, never out of self-interest but always doing the will of the God the Father, and offering Himself to serve and help those around Him. But no one recognized what He was doing.
They saw it as weakness and sentenced Jesus to death, and crucified Him. Jesus satisfied God’s justice, but was not rejected by God–or there would have been no resurrection!
Our rebellion and self-preference is disobedience to God, and that keeps us for a relationship with Him. We are not interested in His plan, we want our dreams to come true. So we reject Him and chart our own course. We ignore His instructions and believe whatever feels right to us. We turn down His love and try to replace it with romance and passion because it makes us feel good temporarily. This is the most remarkable part of the Gospel. God did not wait for us to call out to Him for help or love.
He blessed Leah even when she was caught up in trying to earn love for herself. God does not wait for you either. He chose to act on your behalf while you were still lost in your sinful and selfish ambitions. God took all of the punishment, that your disinterest and rebellion deserved, and He poured it out on Jesus, His only son. Jesus stepped into your place and accepted the punishment, because He loves you.
The real struggle for love, is our desire to be fully known, and yet fully accepted. When you hear the phase, “Jesus loves you,” this is not a Christian cliché, but rather the truth of unconditional love. Jesus knows better than anyone who you are; the good and the bad. He knows every secret, every pain, every sin, and every wrong. He knows you better than you know yourself. He knows, because He took your place. He has already paid the price for your sins, and He did it before you ever paid a moment of attention to Him.
Do you realize what that means? In Jesus, you are fully known and still fully accepted. Jesus is under no allusions. He knows exactly who you are. His love is not something you earned or deserved, yet here He is offering it to you. No one knows you better, and no one could possibly love you more. He gave his life for you. And now, He is willing to take the journey with you, from where you are, to where you need to be in Him; so that you can experience true love.
6. ACCEPTING JESUS’ LOVE OPENS THE DOOR TO A NEW LIFE:
The good news of what Jesus has done for you is not just salvation from a coming apocalyptic destruction but accepting Jesus’ love, will begin to transform and fill your life with purpose, strength, and value. Like Leah, you will be amazed at the realization that you have discovered true love! You can thrive in the amazing joy of worshipping Him with a thankful and pure heart regardless of what is going on around you.
Your value and your identity is secured for all eternity with Jesus, who loves you so passionately that He gave His own life. When you understand that truth, it transforms the way you think about love. No longer is love solely a romantic relationship that meets your desperate need to find significance and value. You are able to approach every new relationship, already possessing a full grasp of your significance. Living in God’s love and following Him places you in a position of strength for you know, to whom you belong and who you are. You do not need love to prove your self-worth or value. God is yours and you are His.
“Your value and your identity is secured for all eternity with Jesus, who loves you so passionately that He gave His own life.”
Understanding God’s love fills you with the stability and confidence to face any rejection or loss, and to know, no matter how much it hurts, your identity and value can never be shaken. You are secure in God! Without the need to use another’s love, to salvage your self-worth, you can finally start to enjoy and appreciate all of the people and experiences that surround you every day. You can enjoy your life and your relationships the way God that intended.
Learning to live and grow in the love of God can be a process, as you throw off the old nature and ways of thinking, and put on God’s love and right way of living. The world around us is constantly trying to challenge you, and to pull you back. But, every single day, Jesus continues to express His love as an alternative. All that is left is for you to make a choice.
Are you ready to make a life-changing decision to follow true love and to be loved unconditionally? God is the source of our value and our hope. Nothing you face in this life will shake loose the love of God.
“With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn’t hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn’t gladly and freely do for us? Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture. None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I’m absolutely convinced that nothing, nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us,” (Romans 8:31-32, 35, 37-39).
CHAPTER 3
LOVE AND LUST
Many people speak about love as a kind of positive, subjective feeling. The Bible shows us that God’s love is far more than that. It is strong, it is eternal, it motivates God’s acts of salvation.
“In overflowing anger for a moment I hid my face from you, but with everlasting love I will have compassion on you, says the Lord, your Redeemer.” (Isaiah 54:8)
“I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.” (Jeremiah 31:3)
“For God so loved the world, that He gave his only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16)
A Definition of Lust
Lust is an emotion or feeling of intense desire in the body and it can take nearly any form such as the lust for knowledge, the lust for sex or the lust for power. It is an overwhelming self-absorbed desire or craving for an object, person, or experience that might be good but in most cases, is not. For example, a man or a woman can lust after their spouse and since they are legally married, there is no sin in this, however lusting after someone else’s spouse or someone who’s not married is sin so clearly, lust and love are the same at all and in many ways, they are actually opposites of one another for example we can lust after riches, for drugs, for alcohol, and for any number of things that are detrimental to our wellbeing.
I like what C.S. Lewis wrote many years ago. He wrote “If you look upon ham and eggs and lust, you have already committed breakfast in your heart.” This is a very good, biblical definition of lust in the heart. If you covet something or someone, that is lusting in the heart. Exodus 20:17 lists the tenth commandment as “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor” so lust is not just about looking at someone of the opposite sex or for some, looking at some with lust of the same sex, it is coveting what you don’t have. It is a passionate desire to have what someone else has.
A Definition of Love
The way the world defines love and the way that God defines love are not even close to the same thing. As far as the world sees love it is strong and warm affection that someone has for another or others or for something. It could be like that of a parent for a child or a spouse for their mate or it could be a love for reading, eating, drugs, alcohol, or even shopping. Some of these are good and well but others can lead to ruin. Love can certainly be a strong feeling of affection and concern toward another person, as that arising from a kinship or close friendship, which I have for my own spouse and children and grandchildren and even for my friends but from the biblical standpoint, love and lust are no co-equals since one can be good while the other can lead to harm.
What Lust Can Lead To
David let his lust carry him away as “One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful” (2Sam 11:2) and so he lusted after her in his heart. This led to adultery and later, to the murder of Bathsheba’s husband, Uriah. This is why James wrote that “after desire (or lust) has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death” (1:15). The proverbs say “Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes” (6:25). Jesus said that it was “out of the heart come evil thoughts–murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander” (Matt 15:19). Solomon understood this connection, writing that as a man “thinks within himself, so he is” (23:7a). You can commit adultery without ever committing the physical act. Jesus said that “that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt 5:28) and of course the same thing applies to women.
Conclusion:
The differences between love and lust are that we don’t covet what we don’t have. We shouldn’t covet (lust after) our neighbor spouse or their goods (Ex 20:17). Love, on the other hand, “does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law” (Rom 13:10) and this means “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Matt 19:19) but above all “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind” (Matt 22:37). The difference for believers is that we are told “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matt 5:44). The greatest display of love was not what Jesus felt or what God feels but it was revealed at Calvary. Jesus said “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13) and that’s just what He did. Lust harms, love sacrifices.
WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE LOVE AND LUST
The difference between love and lust is the attitude of your heart. If you’re in love, the attitude of your heart is one of selflessness, with the other person as your focus, whereas if you are in lust the attitude of your heart will be one of selfishness, with yourself as the focus. True love is driven by a godly desire to provide for, nurture and care for the other person’s needs, whereas lust is driven by an ungodly desire to provide for, nurture and care for our own sinful passions. When you love someone you choose to stick with that person at the expense of all others, even when it’s hard and you don’t want to! When you lust after someone, you get angry and throw in the towel as soon as you don’t get what you want, or you manipulate them until they do what you want them to do.
So if you find yourself wondering about whether or not you’re in love, ask yourself “what is my heart attitude towards this person? Is it one of selflessness or selfishness? Am I willing to put the hard yards in, even when I don’t really want to, or will I probably throw in the towel when things get tough? Do I want to invest into this person, or is it just about fulfilling my human desires?” The answer to these questions will be a sure indication of whether you are in love, or lust
CHAPTER FOUR
WHY DO I DESERVE HIS LOVE OR WHO DESERVES TO BE LOVED?
God wants for us to accept the peace that comes from knowing that He longs for us. We are His creation, marked with His image. Even when we struggle with issues outside of our control and when we make active choices to participate in sin, He said that we are worth it. We are worth it because our Creator said so. We do not deserve His grace and forgiveness, and grace and forgiveness cannot be earned. We could never earn or deserve them, and we are not supposed to. However, when we receive them whole heartedly and experience God’s great love, it inspires profound gratitude. When we fight accepting good things from God and those who love us because we don’t deserve it, we actually develop pride that focuses on self-loathing and fear. Recovery cannot take place when a person is ruled by hatred and fear. When deep gratitude begins to grow, so does a shift in focus. Our vision is not overpowered by focus on myself and my inadequacy, but is ruled by the lens of love. When I think about all God has done for me and how wonderful it is to count Him my friend, I want to honor him with how I treat His creation, including myself. I want to take care of the temple He made my mind, heart, and body to be. I want to protect it and use it to dive deeper into relationship with Him and let others know that what they do not deserve is available and it makes living SO GOOD. It is exactly because I don’t deserve love or forgiveness that I stand in awe that God still counted me worth not only His ultimate sacrifice, but His daily reminders of His love.
Romans 8:1-3 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering.”
CHAPTER FIVE
HOW CAN WE REALLY LOVE GOD AS HE DESERVES TO BE LOVED?
Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 1 John 4:10 (AV)
Do you ever have a wait-a-minute moment when you read Matthew 22:37–38? 37 Jesus replied, “You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.” Do you ever feel the slightest bit guilty or embarrassed because you don’t feel like you know how to love the Lord with that level of intensity? Relax, because without some help you can’t.
I John 4:10 tells us the only way we can truly love God in the manner in which He deserves. The Authorized Version says it this way; “Herein (this) is love…” What follows then tells us the definition of love..“ not that we loved God, but that He loved us.” In other words, love is first and foremost about God loving you. It is not first and foremost about you loving God. Once you understand that, Matthew 22: 37-38 takes on a whole new dimension. It is only when you get a revelation of God’s unfailing, never-ending love for you that you can truly love Him in the manner referred to in Matthew 22. Your love then comes about as a response to what God has done for you, not something you are trying to do for Him. The best way to love God is to focus on His Love for you.
Ephesians 3:17-20 confirms that it is His love for us, not our love for Him which changes us. Ephesians 3:17–20 states “that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us,”
Christ dwells in your heart through faith, (you make a decision to believe the Word and receive what it says)
You then become rooted and grounded in that Love (your capacity to receive His Love is ever-increasing)
The comprehension that comes from receiving His Love actually takes you beyond your natural understanding (knowledge) and you are being filled with God’s fullness (what’s God full of? LOVE!)
Once you are enjoying the fullness of His Love… the door is open to receive abundantly above all you ask or think (I John 4:16 – once you know and BELIEVE {have revelation of} His Love, you are positioned to receive the wonderful blessings He has for you)
All of these things lead you to a place where loving God is a natural outflow from a heart of thanksgiving. The Christian walk always starts and always ends with Love – the Love of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Focus of that LOVE and Matthew 22:37-38 will become the most natural thing that you have ever done.
1 John 4:10 (The Living Bible): In this act we see what real love is: it is not our love for God but his love for us when he sent his Son to satisfy God’s anger against our sins.
Good news – you can’t do it, at least not without help. I John 4:19 reveals to us the only way we can be obedient to Matthew 22:37-39; “we love Him, because He first loved us.” It is only when we get revelation of God’s unfailing, never-ending love for us that we can truly love Him back in the manner referred to in Matthew 22. Our love then comes about as a respond to what God has done, not something we “do” trying to make something happen with effort. The best way to love God is to focus on His Love toward us.
In the Old Testament the Law was given to reveal to the Israelites their need of God. No one could keep the Law (the 10 Commandments and a total of over 600 other laws). The Law was not given to give people “hoops” to jump through to get to God, it was given according to Romans 3:20 to expose sin. “For by the law is the knowledge of sin.” The Law as given to show people that without God’s help, they had no hope of ever getting to God on their own. Fast forward to the New Testament and Jesus is telling the rich young ruler, who rather presumptuously told Jesus that he had kept the Law that he needed to sell all he had and give it to the poor. Religious tradition tells us that the moral of the story is that to “do” right you have to give away all that you have. What Jesus was trying to point out was that under the Law you either fulfilled it 100% or you missed the mark totally. The purpose of pointing to the impossibility of keeping the Law was to show the rich young ruler that he needed a Savior.
This is the first and greatest commandment…” remember that without the help of the Holy Spirit our loving God will always fall short. It took God loving us first, before we could ever love Him back.
Written By:
ODERINDE GABRIEL OLUWASEYI
ALPHA GLOBAL LEADERSHIP ACADEMY ✔️
